Before October 2010, I'd never really spent any time (since the age of 15) being single. In October, I was thrown into the single world like a poor little mouse is thrown into a cage with a snake... And just in time to experience the holidays alone. While I definitely felt bad for myself, I knew that being single was something I would have to finally experience in order to grow into the best version of myself. So, while I sulked through those tough 3 months of the holidays, I also soaked it in and allowed myself to be sad and lonely. Which made it quite a bit easier when New Years Eve came around (despite the pressure to "find" someone to kiss at midnight because that's what I'm supposed to for my 2011 to start out "just right.") Instead of putting my energy into finding someone to kiss when the ball dropped, I looked within myself and found some ways to make my 2011 worthwhile. Some call these "New Years Resolutions," but I knew that for me to truly be happy, they'd have to become a way of life. And they did. And I surprised myself by completely exceeding even my own expectations. A couple of these were:
- "Get into shape." Duh. That's what everyone vows. I wasn't out of shape, I just wanted to be in better shape. But in late February I got a call from my crazy cousin in Denver saying "Hey- By the way, we're running a half marathon in October here in Denver. You have plenty of time so no excuses." By March I realized I couldn't even run a mile without having a near-death experience. But, by September I was able to run 13.1 miles in 2 hours and 2 minutes. I successfully ran my half marathon - in Denver- with my cousin Ashleigh on October 9 in near freezing temperatures in 2 hours and 55 minutes with stress fractures in both feet. The most amazing part? I'm still training even after the fact and have stuck to staying in shape. My next race is Feb. 19 here in Austin, then I'm doing the Tough Mudder with my brother and cousins in Denver in June.
- "Stay single for a while." Based on my history (my longest "single period" before this was less than a month) I knew that I would have to focus on being comfortable being single and letting it happen. There's no "rushing into a relationship" this time around. I need to get to know myself and be comfortable being with myself, alone, nobody else. I knew I couldn't love someone unconditionally without loving myself unconditionally first. Plus, how am I supposed to answer those stupid interview-like questions on a first date ("What are you interested in?" if I don't even know the answers to them? I had to find myself and my identity before I could fall into a relationship again. At the time, I had no idea how long this would take, but for some reason I didn't see it lasting longer than 6 months. 15 months later, here I am... Still single and still learning about myself. And I couldn't have achieved this without my #3 "resolution."
- "Step out of my comfort zone." This is by far my favorite resolution and one I made sure to stick to all the way through 2011- And will for the rest of my life. This had so many levels to it that it's impossible for me to really get into, but mostly it was meant for me to force myself into uncomfortable situation in order to learn about myself, meet new people, and to grow as an individual. Here are some ways I did this in 2011:
- Well, as I already mentioned- I ran a half marathon. Learning to focus on something like training for this was the most challenging part. It taught me self control, responsibility, respect for my body, and how to set realistic goals for myself.
- I had to learn not to be shy talking to people I don't know. This has never been a challenge for me, considering I've spent my entire adult/career life talking to people I don't know. But it's much more different when it's on a social level. I've always had a hard time with the "Will you be my friend?" concept. But through my breakup I realized who I could count on and who I couldn't... And it meant that I had to try to find more people in my life that I could. As a newly single woman, I had to learn to value my friendships more than ever, so I couldn't be shy about asking my friends to hang out, let them know when I needed them, or reaching out to a potential new friend and allowing myself to show my vulnerability.
- Dating. How the heck does someone learn how to date? By going on them. Lots of them. Which I did. And am doing. And have hated most of the dating experience the entire time. When I was ready to meet new people, I joined an online dating site (Yup.) and literally put myself out there to the world. I met a few great guys (and a couple creepers) but more importantly, through asking the routine questions on dates, I learned a lot about myself and how to be comfortable with who I am. On top of that, I met some guys that have truly affected my life in positive ways that I could never imagine. And for that, I truly cherish the friendships that have been established out of forcing myself to show my vulnerabilities.
There's quite a bit more than that but for the sake of wrapping this thing up, I'll end there. 2012's resolutions will look pretty similar to this, but with a few additions/revisions. But, I'm excited to see what this "fresh" start will bring.
Happy end of year 2011! :)
